


A New Life

by Morethancupcake



Series: A new home [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Office, Baby Peter, Baby Peter Parker, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Misunderstandings, Parenthood, Protective Bruce, Rumors, Superfamily, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, unrequired Bruce/Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 07:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8741554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: "What if I can't be the man he wants me to be ? What if I can't be...""Then it's a Hell of a time to realize it." Steve wonders if this new life, with Tony and Peter, is worth leaving his old dreams behind.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This could be seen as a sequel to "Changes", or can be read on its own. (I would advice to read it, but hey, you're free).
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7138253
> 
> Please remember English isn't my first language when you decide to yell at me about the typos. My beta is very busy and I don't want to bother her right now.

Of course, he had a few dreams. Of course.

Because graduating, signing his first contract with SHIELD, his name on the door... yeah, it was nice. More than nice. It was the kind of dreams he shared easily. With Bucky, when they were kids, then teenagers, then brothers, really. Sitting in the frontporch, with homemade lemonade and Bucky's cigarettes. 

With his Nanna, who was always so proud, so old, and fragile, but smiling at him as if he was her entire galaxy.

With Sam, and then, slowly, carefully, with Natasha, and sometimes even Clint.

They knew about his life, about how hard it had been, sometimes, so they were there, hugging him, drinking beers and singing loudly.

These dreams, this life, it was his, finally.

 

The others dreams... it was different. Secret. Personal.

No one needed to know about the way he used to wonder just how his future wife would look like. Would she be small and strong, like Natasha ? Long and elegant like Miss Potts ? Would she sing in the morning, like his Nanna ? Slow dance with him at night, when everything was asleep and safe ?

It seemed so unfair that he had to wait, to wonder.

He was ready.

 

Bucky used to think that's just why it didn't work, with Peggy. That's why Sharon just couldn't stand him in the end. 

"Don't get me wrong, Stevie. These girls were nice, no one deserves you." He had rolled his eyes at that. "But you are controling. You are trying too hard, and you want them to be perfect too. Love ain't like that."

 

Yeah. Yeah, turned out love was not trying to be perfect, trying to be the man he used to dream about, a father, a model, someone who wouldn't leave his mother alone, someone solid, someone strong. 

 

Tony had loved him just like this, clumsy and a little too shy, and too stubborn for his own good. Tony had laughed at his jokes, had shared bad take-away without complaining once, had accepted to be his confident during fights with Sam, with Bucky, hell, even with Phil, once.

Tony, cravat forgotten on the back of his office chair, a little smudge of ink on his strong hands, had showed him being strong had nothing to do with being made of iron, but what was beneath the armor.

"You're young, Steve. It'll pass, all of this, your anger, your need to prove the world wrong. Use it, make the most of it, it'll pass."

 

How to focus on a date, on saying the right things at the right time, when all he could think about was Tony and his habit of rescuing cats from the streets, Tony visiting his best friend's family over the weekend, Tony taking care of the man who raised him, now too old to work, but happily trotting around and terrorizing the staff.

 

It had taken a few adjustments. He had had to be sure. Because yes, it turned out dating was amazing, and fun when it involved Tony. Suddenly everything, the bad food, the rainshower during a walk in the city, the coffee stained shirts, everything was light, and hilarious, and Tony was just a new addiction, something he just couldn't stop wanting more of.

It had taken time, and a few misteps, not knowing exactly just how, just why suddenly everything made sense, why suddenly the idea of sex, love was so simple and obvious.

 

But, yes he had a life of dreams, of old and sweet clichés, and now, what was he going to do with them. Tony was a man, a wonderful, amazing man, but a man. Nanna's wedding dress would sleep forever in the attic. No catholic church would accept their vows. No flower bouquet to be kept as a souvenir.

 

"Really, now ?" Clint looks a him, a little shocked. "You're having your identity crisis now ?"

"I know." Steve tries to avoid Phil's gaze, because he knows just how disappointed with him the older man is right at this instant. "I asked him to marry me, I want him to marry me, but what... what if."

"What if ?" For the first time, Phil's voice is cold and unforgiving. 

"What if I can't be the man he wants me to be ? What if I can't be..."

"Then it's a Hell of a time to realize it."

His pizza is cold, the cheese coagulated in sad little lumps. Phil excuses himself after a minute, leaving a heavy cloud of unease on the both of them.

"You need to tell Stark." Clint starts cleaning the table, eyes on his hands. "If you can't go on with this wedding, you need to tell him now."

 

At home, Baby Peter tries to run to him, a huge smile on his face. Tony kisses him, soft and sweet. This is his life, both of his favorites, waiting for him with smiles on their faces, the same smile Nanna has when he would step inside her house.

"We missed you tonight, didn't we, bug ?"

"Yes !"

"Should we keep Steve with us forever and ever ?"

"Yes !"

 

This life, it is Heaven, so why is he so sad over dreams, over fantasies ?

Baby Peter follows him around, eyes wide, so happy to just be with him, to just grasp his fingers in his. 

 

Tony sits close to him, his laptop open in front of him. He looks tired, a few more grey hair on his temple. Steve sips on his tea, nudging him so he can do the same. The baby is asleep, the night is quiet.

 

He could picture a lifetime of quiet nights, the dishwasher's purring in the dark, the faint smell of their dinner, the herbal tea. 

 

"What's wrong ?" Tony's eyes, always so warm, so loving.

"I love you. Tony, you know, I love you."

"I do."

They kisses taste like chamomile and lemongrass.

 

Nanna welcomes him with a warm smile and apple pie. He complains, even if he knows nothing could've stopped the woman. The kitchen is clean, cleaner than he remembers, what with Nanna's eyesight and her arthritis. 

"Your man was here just a few days ago. What a charming boy, you got Steven. He smiles and suddenly everything seems to bend to his will." Nanna's eyes are sparkling with glee at the blush he can feel on his nose.

"Tony came to visit, uh ?"

"How would I get to spend time with the baby, otherwise ?"

"Yeah... of course, yes."

"How are you, my boy ?"

 

And it's the trick question. It's a puzzle of happy memories, and worries, lates nights, whispered fights folding the laundry, and lazy mornings making love. It's perfect.

 

And it must shows, on his face, because Nanna smiles, and changes the subject, tells him about the amazing Virginia Potts, and the new help Tony bullied her into accepting. 

And it's Steve's turn, to smile.

 

Tony doesn't ask about the wedding anymore. Things seem tense for a while, Tony coming home late, and often too tired to do much more than taking care of Peter and crashing hard and fast.

Steve would ask Bruce, but for a reason he often feel like an intruder, and doesn't want to force himself on the other man. Bruce is Tony's friend, and Steve had always felt a little thing like envy, like jealousy at how the two men could understand each other with just a touch.

 

He asks, one day, after witnessing a quiet moment, Tony drinking his coffee, eyes closed, looking exhausted.

"Is it anything I could do to help ?"

Tony had smiled, not the fake smile from work, but another, the one he gave Pepper, or Rhodes. The one keeping them at bay. 

"Nothing, don't worry. It'll pass soon enough."

Tony's kiss, for the first time, had tasted like lie.

 

But this life, their life, is worth fighting for. If Steve thrives surrounded by Tony and the myriad of little attentions, Tony craves it, probably needs it even more.

Steve brings him lunch and kisses him ignoring the open door and the people passing by. He sends him random messages, silly things, just to remind Tony how loved he is. 

And slowly, very slowly, Tony turns towards him, like a sunflower chasing the light, a little surprised at first, then almost relieved, it seems. Tony, sill exhausted when he finally makes it home, smiles when he spots him, smiles and lets himself be hugged, and kissed, not quick to disappear into his office.

Steve holds his hand in front of their friends, in front of the world, when they are out, having drinks, when they are celebrating or just walking together. Steve kisses his cheek, his forehead, and keeps his eyes on Tony, all the time.

 

The wedding is forgotten. Steve remembers, but it's something far away, something that'll happen eventually. Eventually.

Baby Peter turns two, and they throw a very small party, in Nanna's garden, with most of her friends from church and father Emmanuel. Steve still feels exposed, unsure, just like the little boy he was years ago, talking to the man who smiles gently at everyone, a cup of coffee in hand.

"Your son looks very happy." Tony beams at him. He's been in a perpetual state of joy, Steve is almost afraid Father Emmanuel would do or say something... But no. "Steve told me you were catholic, too, Mister Stark ?"

"I am." Tony sobers up a little, unsure of where the talk is going. 

"So is Baby Peter ever going to be baptized ? Or maybe am I overstepping ?"

Father Emmanuel is nice, and sweet. Maybe it's the years working, maybe it's just something else entirely about him, but Tony is very gentle when he answers, eyes back on his little boy being spoiled by Nanna.

"I hope he will be, soon. I am not that much of a church goer myself, but my mother would kill me if she was still alive. I talked to a few people, I wasn't sure they would be okay with our... family."

And maybe it's the cake, and the butter frosting. Maybe it's the bickering around them, or the nice breeze. But Steve doesn't feel an once of embarassment. He doesn't feel the need to hide behind polite words and silence. Peter is his son. Their son. Tony is his. They are a family.

"I would be honored to talk with you both, if you feel like it would be possible..."

 

For the rest of the afternoon, Tony watches him with something in his eyes Steve doesn't understand.

 

That night, after taking care of an exhausted, cranky toddler and helping clean the garden, after saying goodbye and piling gifts and leftovers into the trunk, they drive home in silence.

"Did I upset you ?" 

Steve asks, because the silence is heavy between them, because he isn't sure just what happened, but he misses Tony, he misses his hand in his, and he's exhausted too. 

"No." The fake smile is back, but Tony looks tired, too, so tired Steve doesn't call him on it. "Today was a lot to take in, that's all."

"It was," He agrees. "You had a good day ?"

"Yes." This smile is genuine. "It was a great day, Steve. Thank you for inviting us to see your family."

 

It stings.

No, it hurts.

It hurts, and he's pretty sure Tony meant for it to hurt.

 

He waits for the morning, he waits for a good time to talk about it. He feels insecure, suddenly, out of place. He wakes up alone, Tony already ready and taking care of Baby Peter. He looks at them in the kitchen, he really looks at what their life could be without him.

"Are you going to join us, Rogers ?" Tony smiles, and it seems like the fight is forgotten. They kiss, and Baby Peter cooes in delight behind his pacifier when he spots him, his little feet dancing in joy. 

 

He doesn't forget. Neither does Tony.

 

It's hard, doing all the same things, taking care of Tony, because he isn't sure he's allowed anymore, if Tony wants him too. After a year of harmony, suddenly their timing is off, he doesn't kiss Tony goodnight, and realizes it in the morning. Tony falls asleep without him. They don't call each other for lunch, for all he knows Tony doesn't get lunch anymore.

He doesn't talk to Clint about it, mostly because Phil is distant, and he doesn't want to strain their relationship with his problems. Natasha was never Tony's fan, so he's afraid of what she could say to him. He toys with the idea of talking to Bucky, but in the end, Bruce comes to him.

 

Sitting with him, taking time to look at him, Steve finally accepts the pang of jealousy in his chest. Bruce looks calm, self assured. He isn't bold, he isn't Tony, no. But with just a smile, he takes charge of the room, making it clear Steve is here to listen. Bruce looks like the man Steve always wanted to be, wise, serious. He looks like the kind of man capable of taking care of Tony, of making him happy.

"You don't look like someone who knows why he's here." Bruce drinks his tea slowly, watching him.

"I don't. I hope it's to talk about Tony."

"Do you need to ?"

"Please." He's mad, of course, but there's something about Bruce, something warning him against his usual temper. His tantrums, Tony calls them. He isn't sure he'll be the winner here. 

"When you started dating, I must admit, I was jealous." Steve shuts his mouth so suddenly his jaw hurt a little. Bruce smiles, and tarts to clean his glasses. "Tony... Tony is someone amazing. He truly is. And at first, I didn't trust you not to hurt him."

"I never wanted to hurt him."

"At first, probably." The glasses are back, and Bruce's glare is unyielding. "But I'm not sure you know what you want, now. And you're hurting my best friend."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Steve breathes through his nose, slowly. Once, twice. "But if you know what's going on. If you know why he's so unhappy, tell me so I can fix it."

"Phil told him." Steve just frowns, so Bruce adds, voice ice cold. "Phil told him that you're having cold feet about the wedding. After a proposal you made. He told Tony, since you didn't have the balls to tell him yourself." Steve is too flabergasted to speak. "I'm sorry your catholic boy's upbringing is suddenly tearing you apart. I'm sorry you're realizing just now who you are. I'm sure it sucks. But Tony doesn't deserve to feel like he's not enough for you."

"How... how..." Steve stutters a few times, before he can manage a real sentence. "Tony is not. He's everything."

"The last time I cornered him, he told me you were probably staying because of Peter." Bruce looks ready to fight, fists tight, teeth clenched. "Tony picked you, Steve, and there's nothing I can do about it. But he doesn't deserve to be treated like that."

"I love him."

"So you told all your colleagues and friends but not him ?"

"What the Hell are you talking about ?" It feels like the floor is moving, and Steve isn't sure just how to stand tall, to be the man he always wanted to be. 

"Phil came to tell Tony, because he thought it was unfair to him. Everyone is talking about it behind his back, waiting for you guys to break up."

"We're not breaking up." Steve can fight, will fight. This is his life. "No matter what the others have said, no matter what you heard, I am not leaving him. Ever."

"Then I suggest you do something about it."

 

The first thing he does is to call Phil. He wants to be mad, he wants to yell and ask just why he had to meddle. But the first words from his mouth are :

"Thank you. Thank you for looking out for Tony." At Phil small noise of agreement, he adds. "How come everyone knows ? I just told you and Clint about it."

"And Clint felt compelled to tell Natasha, who told Maria, who then told someone else. I'm sorry on his behalf, Steve. I truly am." It's the first time in month Phil seems almost warm to him. "Tony wasn't pretty popular before you arrived, you realize."

"And you feel that gave them the right to..." he stops himself before he reach a yell, but only because the lady passing by looks terrified.

"I never said I was okay with the way things went. Clint knows how disappointed I am in him. So do the others." Phil sighs. It's late in the afternoon, and on the other side of the line, Steve can hear the ruffle of papers, and the buzz of the office. "I had to tell Tony, I can't apologize for that. You sounded like you were going to hurt him, and I had to tell him."

"Thank you." 

 

Steve finds himself in Nanna's kitchen, crying in his hands like a little kid. She doesn't ask questions, she doesn't try to know just why he's there. She sends a message to Tony from her bright new phone, and then sits down with two cups of warm tea.

"Tell me, Steven. You know you can tell me anything." Hey eyes are shiny, because Steve knows she hates to see him cry. Always did. "Is it Anthony ? is it Peter ?"

"Nanna, I messed up. I messed up, and I hurt Tony." He sobs on her shoulder, folded to fit in her arms, heartbroken, and he tells him, with stilted words. 

She doesn't scold him. She doesn't try to make him talk until he's ready. She runs her fingers through his hair, humming softly. 

"Anthony is an amazing boy." Steve nods. "And I've known you your whole life, Steven. I know you love him more than your own life."

"I do."

"But he doesn't." Nanna smiles. "When he looks at you, he looks at the sun. Perfect and unreachable. Anthony is strong, you can tell him when you're scared, when you hurt too."

"But how does that make me strong ? How can I take care of him ?"

"Silly boy." Nanna's smile is knowing. She cups his cheek in her small hand. "You always were too set in your ways, so stubborn. Love, marriage. it's not about being right, being strong on your own. It's walking together. Anthony can take care of you, too."

He dries his tears, and hugs her close.

 

It's late enough, when he finally comes home, that the house is almost dark. There's a plate waiting for him in the microwave, and a little note warning him not to wake the baby. He notices his dry cleaning, mixed with Tony's, waiting on a chair to be put away. His slippers and robe are waiting too, a little ritual Tony did, even despite everything.

He feels loved, wanted.

 

Tony is reading in bed, glasses on, and he stops for a few seconds and watch.

"I want to marry you." he says. "I really do. I got scared, and Clint is a fucking babblermouth, but I do love you, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Tony puts his book down and watches him. It breaks Steve's heart, to see the hurt and the longing. 

"You kept..." Tony's voice is rough, and it breaks in the middle of his word. "I kept waiting for the day you would realize you weren't ready to commit to a man."

"It's not about that. Tony, please..."

"I kept telling myself it would be fine. That Peter and I could learn to live without you."

"You don't have to. I swear."

"What do you want, Steve ?" Tony's chest is bare, and Steve wants to hold, wants to touch, to reassure them both that they are okay, they are safe.

"I want you. And Peter. Forever. I want to build a family with you, and I want to grow old in this house with you."

 

He isn't sure who is the first to kiss, to rip the shirt out of the way, to push the comforter away. He isn't sure sex was ever so frightening between them, so life altering, but it is. He muffles his groans in Tony's neck and he pours in his kisses all his regrets, all the pain, all the fear. 

Tony is his. This is his life.

 

Later in the dark, he puts his head in Tony's chest, and he talks. It's broken, at first, and he feels so stupid for admitting his fears. It sounds petty, ridiculous.

But Tony gets it. Tony cards his fingers through his sweaty hair, and he asks questions, he asks about Steve's past, about his relationships, about his dreams, now. He brings back the subject of work, and Steve wish to change, to stop. 

They talk about a future, together.

It's nice, Steve realizes suddenly, to feel cherished, cared for. Here, in Tony's arms, he feels safe, and relaxed for the first time in years. Maybe forever.

"I love you." he says. "I love you so much." It's clumsy, it's not what he wants to say, he wants Tony to know just how much he means to him.

"I love you too."

 

In the morning, Baby Peter runs a fever. It's nothing bad, they've seen worse to be too worried, but it's enough for them to both call in sick, and to sit in their bed with their laptop.

"You can do anything, you're a genius." Tony preens a little at the praise, and Steve kisses his cheek, rubbing their stubble together. "I need to find what I'm good at. What I want to do."

"You would be a great teacher." Tony drinks his coffee slowly, enjoying every drop. "Not only with kids, but with adults too. Teaching, yeah, it could suit you ?"

"It could."

Baby Peter sleeps between them, exhausted by the fever and the medication. Steve tries to picture himself surrounded by kids. It's a little overwhelming.

"You don't have to pick something now. Just think about it, okay ?"

"Okay." He looks at Tony, his Tony, and he feels a blush on his nose. Tony blushes too, and it's probably stupid, two grown men blushing at each other like teenagers after the night they had, but he can't help it.

He breathes in. Out.

Between them, baby Peter sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ! If you liked it, please consider leaving me a comment and kudos, this means a lot to me ! :) Comments are warm gooey brownies to the soul.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr :
> 
> http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/154007588554/a-new-life  
>  
> 
> And please please remember to strech a little, drink lots of water and stay warm. Happy december everyone :)


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